My husband and I approach decision making and change very differently. I make snap decisions and he likes to take his time with them. Sometimes he can take weeks or even months to make a big decision, which drives me crazy! I will yell at him, "Just make up your mind!" I understand he is thinking it over logically, but in my mind, the solution should already be made. Once we've arrived at a decision and we're making a big change, he goes with the flow and I push back. This seems counter-intuitive. Why do I make a snap decision to make a change but then get cold feet when it is time for the change to happen? It might be the way my crazy mind works, it might be because I am just naturally resistant to change. Who knows? Fortunately, my husband knows I'm like this so when we're doing a big change, for example when we bought a house and moved across town last November, he built it up for a long time and prepared me for it. We took it a little at a time and managed to keep our apartment for an extra week so we weren't all moved in at once.
Since this blog post is all about change, you've probably figured out I'm gearing up to tell you about a big change going on in my life right now. We have decided to be foster parents, with the possibility of adopting later on. I just spoke with our county DHS rep this morning and she is mailing me all our paperwork we need to get filled out and we need to go to the courthouse to be finger-printed so they can run a background check on us. After all that is done, they will be doing a home check on us and an interview, to make sure we're not totally crazy and we actually have room for a kid or two. Then after they approve us, and I'm just assuming they will, Mr J and I will have to take 27 hours of foster care training classes. And I guess after that, we'll get a placement. So hopefully we can get all this done by the end of the year and get a baby or child in January or so.
You might be wondering "What about all that fertility treatment you were doing?" Well, we decided that stuff was way too expensive and invasive and it made me overly crazy anyway. So we're not continuing with it. Since we've been trying to get pregnant for well over a year, both with treatments and without, and nothing has happened, I'm going to just assumed it will not happen and move on. Mr J and I have talked about this at great length and while we would love to have a biological child, it is not the end of the world if we can't. It just makes so much more sense to put that money and energy toward helping a child who genuinely needs it rather than trying to get pregnant, especially when it wasn't even working. And to prove to myself that I'm done with all this, I'm selling my infertility and pregnancy books today. I posted them on craigslist on Monday and already have a buyer. Hopefully they will work for her and I wish her the best.
I have grown a lot in the past year and a half. I will be 31 next week. I never in my life thought I would still be childless at 31, but here I am. At least with fostering, I am guaranteed to get a child. He or she won't look like me, but I've finally figured out that's really not that important.